Valentine’s Day is coming. So…
“Are you capable of erotic love?” Jason Stotts asks in his book, Ethos and Eros. Who? Me? Let me think. What qualities would I need to bring to and for a loving romantic relationship?
- Decision: I would need to choose to have a relationship; choose to nurture it, and make it flourish.
- Self-Value: Aristotle says: Have a sense of value and love yourself. Only then can you love another.
- Emotional Depth: Feel emotions deeply—avoid emotional stoicism. (That can be tough for an Englishman.)
- Vulnerability: Be open to intimacy and willing to be vulnerable. (Being a John Wayne fan doesn’t help.)
- Trust: Be trustworthy. Build trust. That’s a must.
- Loving Actions: Express love frequently and in many ways.
- Lovability: Be lovable. Cultivate qualities and esthetics that make me worthy of love.
- Acceptance: Accept and appreciate my partner’s spirit, mind, and body. Grant my partner beingness.
- Empathy: Understand and embrace my partner’s sense of life.
- Mirroring: Reflect and acknowledge my partner’s virtues and values.
Can I live up to this and be worthy of a romantic partner? More on Valentine’s Day.
Carl B. Barney
February 11, 2026