Love is a profound and joyful emotion. However, it is more than an emotion—it is a recognition and appreciation of the value someone or something adds to our lives. Love brings joy, meaning, and fulfillment. When we love deeply, a psychological bond forms that enriches our lives.
Love is also action—things we do to nurture and cherish.
My Thoughts on How to Love
- Listen with Attention: Deep listening is more than hearing words—it involves sincere curiosity and empathy. When we actively listen to our partner, we create a safe space, a cocoon, for them to freely share their deepest thoughts and feelings.
- Recognize and Celebrate: Love involves appreciating our partner’s strengths, virtues, and efforts. Celebrate the good and beautiful. Sexual intimacy is a celebration of the relationship, and a celebration of life. A relationship flourishes when partners are valued and appreciated.
- Shared Values: Loving relationships rest on a foundation of shared values—values such as purpose, romance, family, respect, home, career, financial stability, and more. Relishing and supporting values with our partner creates a sense of unity and purpose.
- Goodwill and Respect: Cultivate a loving, benevolent worldview. (It’s a wonderful world.) Appreciate the good in our partner and in the world. Hold life-loving ideas—a benevolent mindset.
Create Loving Habits
To strengthen relationships, make appreciation and affection a regular practice. What do we value about our loved ones? What qualities, actions, or traits bring us joy? Be specific. Express them regularly—through words, gestures, and acts of affection. This deepens our bond, and is a reminder of the happiness our loved one brings to our life.
What makes our loved one happy? What brings them joy? How can I contribute to his/her happiness? What do they dream of? How can I help to make their dream(s) come true?
The Ideal Relationship
Relationships are built on honesty, mutual respect, shared values, and a commitment to each other’s wellbeing. Each partner prioritizes the life and happiness of the other. When both partners are dedicated to nurturing the relationship, it can become a source of joy, growth, and fulfillment.
These reflections are written with a romantic partner in mind. However, they may apply to other relationships—children, family members, friends, or colleagues. Love, in all its forms, is a practice that enriches both the giver and the receiver.
Carl B. Barney
February 14, 2025